Introduction: Today, we will be taking an in depth look at what femininity really means and why it is an objectively good thing! While perceptions of gender and the traits we associate with each one are social constructions, they've had real consequences on humanity throughout the vast majority of our history. By looking critically at the hegemonic structures that have led us to believe that masculinity is superior, we can see that this couldn't be further from the truth. With feminine people being associated with compassion and feminine societies being associated with a better quality of life. what more proof could one need? In fact, the more I read about what it means to be feminine, it seems like these aren't "traits of womanhood", but "traits of a good person".
What is femininity? Femininity is characterized by "gentleness, humility, supportiveness, empathy, compassionateness, tenderness, nurturance, intuitiveness, sensitivity, and unselfishness" (Vetterling-Braggin, 1982, p. 5-6). Now, with all of that being said, wouldn't you agree that we could all use a bit more of. . .ALL OF THIS?!
America = masculine. A masculine society "will be driven by competition, achievement and success, with success being defined by the winner/best in field--a value system that starts in school and continues throughout organized life" (Country Comparison, 2020). Unfortunately, America is EXTREMELY masculine. While wanting to be successful is not inherently bad, having too much of this leaves little room for the things that truly matter: like quality of life and caring for others. Still not convinced that we're doing it all wrong here in the US? Don't take it from me, take it from these cute fluffy animals.
Now, this isn't to say that anyone who identifies with masculinity is a bad person or that every individual man is responsible for the wrongdoings of their collective gender. The real culprit here is the glorification of masculinity (in essentially everything we do) and the way we raise boys to reject all things feminine. "In Western culture, being a man is about not being a woman or not exhibiting any characteristics associated with women" (DeFrancisco, V.P., & Palczewski, 2013, p. 72). FELLAS! Is it gay to like women?!
There are two models to look at how men communicate. First, we have the Male Deficit Model which assumes that men are less skilled in developing and sustaining personal relationships. Then, there's the Alternate Paths Model which assumes that there are different and equally valid paths to closeness--masculine people DO express closeness, but in a different way than feminine people do. (Wood, 2013)
Why the Male Deficit Model is better: Not only does the Male Deficit Model leave less room for toxic masculinity, it emphasizes how the way we raise boys robs them from having the ability to create real, fulfilling relationships. The Alternate Paths Model, on the other hand, is just a sad attempt at justifying our arbitrary gender roles. Need proof? Julia Wood (proponent of the Alternate Paths Model) cited a 1982 study that revealed women are more likely than men to communicate directly and face each other in conversation, while men usually chat side by side. Isn't masculinity ALL ABOUT being direct and assertive?! This is not an "alternate path" to expressing closeness--it's literally just a fear of intimacy: something men are never encouraged to learn about.
Many of these issues stem from the strong link between misogyny and homophobia. Society teaches our sons NOT to convey affection towards other boys (even if they're literally just kids who are pals) because society doesn't want our sons to be gay because they don't want boys to feminine because they hate femininity because society hates women (misogyny).
Femininity is demonized REGARDLESS of who is performing it. Madonna put it best in her song, What It Feels Like for a Girl: "Girls can wear jeans and cut their hair short. Wear shirts and boots 'cause it's okay to be a boy. But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading 'cause you think that being a girl is degrading."
So. . .how do men feel about all of this? Men have two prominent social movements: Men's Rights and Men's Liberation. The Men's Rights movement is a celebration of all things masculine and an infatuation with the traditional masculine role. The Men's Liberation movement is freedom FROM the traditional masculine role and the expectations to always be the breadwinner and suppress emotions. (Kimmel, 2013)
Feminism benefits EVERYONE! Contrary to what many believe, men's liberation and women's liberation ARE NOT IN OPPOSITION! They share the common goal of dismantling the oppressive rules that the patriarchy forces on us--and that's exactly what feminism is all about.
In conclusion. . .FEMININITY IS THE ANSWER! If we follow the example of more feminine nations like Sweden, Norway, and Costa Rica, and encourage ALL PEOPLE (regardless of gender) to connect with their inner feminine energy and embrace more feminine values, then we can truly live in the peace and harmony we all deserve.
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