Cynicism in Progressive Spaces

Over the short period of time that I've been an adult, I've watched myself become more and more cynical as each year passes. As I observe the world around me seem to crumble and understand that the external factors that have caused me to feel this way are far more detrimental than my individual personal experience, I feel especially shafted considering the person I was for the entirety of my youth. Growing up with mental illness, optimism became my greatest coping mechanism against my emotional flurries of "doom and gloom" as my mom put it. I constantly told myself that everything was going to be okay and that humanity was good; this was the only option for my fragile little brain that could begin spiraling at any moment, and for the most part, nothing ever happened to challenge this strict mindset of mine. Things always did end up being okay for me, and my sheltered education had me confident that mass hate was a thing of the past.

I know many of you are probably exhausted of hearing yet another privileged white person climb up onto their soap box and share how the 2016 election twisted their entire worldview on its head. And I understand. Things have always been terrible, and I'm sure seeing the majority of Americans finally have their eyes opened to such reality only through a presidential election was more than just a little frustrating. But when Trump became president, I had just turned 18 and was only a few months away from graduating high school and stepping out into a world that I so deeply misunderstood, making this the most pivotal time of my life so far. This was when my unchecked optimism had come to a lofty peak only to come crashing down in what, at the time, the worst outcome imaginable was becoming a reality--never before in my life had I felt so hopeless.

In an attempt to combat these feelings of soul-crushing hopelessness, I took my optimism to the max. My well-meaning yet completely misguided automatic tendency to look on the bright side mixed with my growing interest in politics turned me into a . . . a . . . oh gosh I can't even say it . . . a neoliberal. As humiliating as this is to admit, my very limited understanding of the structures upholding our political system caused me to absolutely ride for the democratic party. I was under the impression that these were the consummate good guys, that folks like Gavin Newsom or Kamala Harris were angels who truly had the people's best interest in mind. To paint an even clearer picture, I had an edited photo of Barack Obama wearing a flower crown as my lock screen on my phone for over a year--yeah, it was bad.

Thankfully, as I made my way through college and finally got a more realistic sense of the world I was living in and began unlearning the white washed lies I was fed in my K-12 education, I became a leftist, as any sensible person would. But the story doesn't end there; it's still happening. I will never stop learning and I am consistently moving further and further left. While these are absolutely good things, I worry what this could mean for my optimism that has been such a cardinal aspect of my identity. Does this mean I'm going to become more and more cynical forever, too? What will happen to me when I'm old? Is cynicism terminal? I don't think it has to be.

I definitely can't blame every individual self-proclaimed progressive for their cynical attitudes (it would be hypocritical since I am experiencing this phenomenon in real time), but this lack of faith in humanity does not grant any of us a pass to just give up. While registering to vote and Pokémon Go-ing to the polls is obviously not the end-all solution and it has been excruciatingly maddening to watch democratic politicians implore us to vote for them as nothing materially changes, you are not a principled hero for choosing not to participate--you're a dumbass. I've heard similar sentiments expressed when these same "progressives" try to justify supporting awful companies by simply stating: "there is no ethical consumption under capitalism." Like??????? Okay, yes, capitalism is a completely flawed economic system that is inherently exploitative and any organization that functions within it will inevitably be harmful. But, be serious for two seconds. Some companies are much more damaging than others and you know that. Don't piss me off.

Since one of the main driving forces behind leftism is a disapproval with the hegemonic structures in place that are clearly not serving our communities and we continue to see the same mistakes being made over and over again, being a cynic and carrying at least some sense of hopelessness seems intrinsic to being a leftist. And since more and more people are becoming increasingly aware of how fucked up the world is, this left wing cynicism has made its way into modern life in general. In times like this when we watched millions die from a pandemic that could have been prevented under better leadership, as abortion rights, something that had been protected under law for almost fifty years, are ripped away from us, as we see a deadly campaign of hate and scapegoating rise against the LGBTQIA+ community, and so many other countless instances where our institutions have failed us--it's understandably really hard to remain hopeful. But the thing is, it's the only choice we have.

So, how do we do it?

In my experience, the first step to finding some semblance of peace in this dumpster fire of a society is to practice gratitude and mindfulness. I know I run the risk of sounding like a new age spirituality dumb white girl who got her hands on a few pretty crystals and then just figured all her problems would be solved, but gratitude (when done right) can be truly magical. While I am by no means advocating for all of us to just turn off the news and live in ignorant bliss, I want you all to know that you can be aware of the atrocities of the world and grateful for this life all at the same time. This is much easier said than done--which is why it is a practice, a muscle you must keep working on day in and day out. I have been actively integrating thankfulness and mindful moments into my days for almost ten years now, and I still struggle (I mean like, look around). But, here are some of the tools that have helped me: using a gratitude journal, meditating first thing in the morning, saying the words "thank you" the moment my feet touch the floor when I get out of bed, taking hot girl walks, saying affirmations about how life is precious, exercising, listening to podcasts (the Michael Singer Podcast is one of my personal favorites), and just taking moments to pause and soak it all up. Yes, existence is suffering and the combined powers of white supremacy, the patriarchy, and capitalism certainly don't make it any easier. But still, being here is a gift.

Next, get involved! As I mentioned earlier, voting is the minimum when it comes to enacting change and can often feel fruitless; so, taking additional steps on top of voting is a great way to cope with feelings of helplessness and make actual progress. Attending protests and rallies for the issues you care about can not only amplify our voices for those in power to hear us, but can also be the perfect opportunity to make friends and all kinds of connections with other like-minded folks. By having people in your circle who are passionate and fed up with the same matters as you, you'll feel less isolated and more like your visions of a better world are possible. The Democratic Socialists of America (DSA) have branches in almost every major city and have a plethora of resources and events for these exact purposes. If you're too much of a busy bee to donate your time, donate your money. A quick Google search can direct you to the charities and mutual aid organizations that need your help most in the issues that are most near and dear to your heart. Activism doesn't have to be dreadful and daunting; it can actually be pretty fun!

Finally, remember what's making you feel this way. Before I understood the driving force behind my growing cynicism, I was really hard on myself about it. It devastated me to sit idly by as the conditions of the world seemingly caused my inner light to fall dimmer and dimmer. But that wasn't what was happening at all. Yes, I am much more cynical than I used to be--there is no question about that. We are fed up and hurt. But beneath frustration is anger, beneath anger is sadness, and beneath sadness is love. While you may have lost your faith in the way our society is forced to function, you feel this way because you love and care about other people. And that is a beautiful thing.

As I look back at the course of my life so far and recognize the ways in which my outlook and perception of the world I live in has changed, I can't help but feel overwhelmed. A lot has happened over the last twenty four years and becoming enlightened to the reality of this existence truly is a double-edged sword. But what has kept the momentum of the activists and change-makers that came before us alive is their untied belief that the world can and will change. And it has! Things lightyears away from perfect, but we can't discount the advancements that have already been made and the work that's being done right now. Progress is only possible if we believe it is. Allow your kindhearted intentions to ignite a flame and tap into your own inner compassionate bitch.